I am already married

I was doing some reading and I came across this book which I bought way back sometime in 1984 entitled "Our cheque is in the post" (publisher Pan Books, 1982) that contained a myriad of humorous excuses that you can use. I came across one for calling off weddings. Since tomorrow is a Sunday - another day for weddings in Brunei - these excuses might come in handy someday to someone somewhere out there (though I am not taking any responsibility whatsoever if you are going to use any of these!) -
  • The best reason for calling off a wedding is the one that is preferably given by telephone from a very great distance. It is: "Darling, I probably ought to have mentioned this before. I am already married."

  • An equally compelling argument against walking up the aisle, or signing the book in the register office is, "I don't love you."

  • If you want to sugar the pill, however, you could say this: "When I collected my birth certificate today I discovered that the couple I have always called Mum and Dad all my life aren't my real parents at all. My real father was hanged for murder and my real mother was a concentration camp guard who died after the war in an asylum. They never married, so I am also illegitimate. I need some time to think, to discover who I really am now that I know that I'm not the person who I thought I was." No one will try to talk you out of that one.
These were all written pre-sms days. So I guess there will be a few more excuses that people can come up with. Have fun.


Anonymous said…
I remembered a few months ago in Malaysia, there was this case about a guy who just sent an sms that he changed his mind and will not come to his wedding. The bride family wanted to sue him or something like that. I wondered what happened to him.
Anonymous said…
I like the third explanation. How very original that!
Anonymous said…

Otherwise, the guy can say this:

"Actually I am a woman"

Sure to break the wedding, I can tell you that much.

Unless of course, the bride-to-be is a closet lesbian.

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