You know you are Bruneian

1. People ask where you're from and the easiest explanation is saying that it's next to Singapore.
2. People are still clueless about where Brunei is and then you mention how the Sultan of Brunei was once the richest man in the world and everyone instantly remembers.
3. You either hang out in Coffee Zone or Coffee Bean or have children that do.
4. Your closet is full of designer gear but all you wear is the same old t-shirt, shorts and 'selipar jepun' that cost $2 from the 'kedai kaling' next door.
5. You don't wear Versace because only the older Datins & high society people wear it & because you have the suspicious feeling that it was made in Brunei.
6. You travel all the way to Miri just to get bargain priced goods but spend twice as much there as you would back at the shops in Brunei.
7. Your family has at least 4 cars, almost always including a large car like a 'Land Cruiser' (for stocking up at Miri).
8. You don't drive second hand cars.
9. You don't drive a car that is less than $40,000 because it is just unheard of.
10. You complain like hell when the food is slow at a restaurant, but when you are at a 'pasar malam' you can wait hours for your gourmet satay from that Mamak stall.
11. McDonalds is halal & you can order a 'Bubur McD'
12. You don't take public transport because it's for workers.
13. You are used to the wolf whistles of deprived men when you walk past them - even when you're with your parents.
14. You are used to seeing large crowds of Indian, Indon, Filo & Bangladeshi workers hang out at shopping malls, especially on Sundays.
15. You have called someone a 'poklen' or have been called one before.
16. You buy mee-goreng by the boxes.
17. You are obsessed with imported food from England.
18. You fly to Singapore to go to the hospital because you don't trust RIPAS.
19. You go to Singapore to have a good time.
20. You go on holiday ANYWHERE with 2 empty luggage's and come back with at least 10 full ones.
21. You go to Singapore or Malaysia at least 4 times a year.
22. You own an enormous private collection of pirated VCD's, DVD's & CD's.
23. You have a few specialised number plates for your cars.
24. You go to the pasar malam with tatty clothes & slippers but a LV/Gucci bag.
25. You actually believe the roads have no speed limits.
26. When singing the national anthem, you mumble parts of it because you can't quite remember/understand what some of the words are.
27. You Believe in Bomohs & pontianaks (vampires?).
28. You have Astro satellite.
29. You don't feel bad living in your mansion across from a kampong or even in a kampong itself.
30. You change your mobile whenever a new one comes out.
31.You know that the beach is the place to go to conduct illegal activity such as drinking & fornication although you swear you've never done it yourself.
32. You know all the places that sell illegal alcohol.
33. You must send your kids overseas or else they will have no future.
34. You fly out at least 10 times a year to many different places.
35. At least one member of your family lives in England, Australia or the US.
36. You have the cash to pay for a $100k Car.
37. You complain when something goes up in price even if it is only $0.20 & try to haggle over the price even at a department store.
38. You have to wake up early to go for Sunday breakfast with your family (all 40 of them) & most probably it's Dim-Sum.
39. You know all the swear words in Malay, Tagalog & Chinese.
40. Have bad bahasa melayu even though you have been studying it for your whole life.
41. You buy your monthly groceries on or around the 26th of each month.
42. You avoid supermarkets on or around the 26th or each month.
43. You think a 7 year loan repayment plan is a reasonable way to own a car.
44. You have 5.3 kids.
45. Your younger children go out in their pyjamas (barbie for girls, spiderman for boys) with a bottle of Milo clenched between their teeth.
46. Your younger children wear massive gold chains.
47. You PAWN your children's massive gold chains in order to finance the upcoming Hari Raya.
48. You wear black trousers, a multicoloured blouse and a tudong everywhere. Younger females, just swop the black pants for jeans.
49. If you are over 40 and female, more often than not, you are overweight and 'phone box shaped'.
50. You think nothing of carrying your new born baby complete with quilted plasticky pastel changing bag, while dangling a LIT cigarette between your lips.(men)
51. You think 5 cars in front of you anywhere on the road is a traffic jam
52. You think $0.03 for an SMS is still expensive!
53. You earn only $500 a month but can still buy a new car somehow and are willing to pay up to 10 years for it for those who do not apply to point #39 & who exceed point #46
54. You complain that a $1 hike in cigarettes is way too much when it still comes up to only $4 max a pack
55. You know you can get away with buying only $2 worth of gas cos your car modifications used up all your loan money from point #56
56. You will pile your 5.3 kids in the car and brave the more than 5 car jam to the Istana for some religious ceremony in order to get $5 per kid.
57. You consider taking out a maximum loan to extend your house (leaving no space for drains on your land) just cos the neighbours are renovating too.
58. You will spend thousands on car modifications but will hang around curbs/ roadsides with friends cos got no money to pay for coffee at Coffezone or Coffeebean.
59. You ride a Harley with a bunch of friends & park in front of Coffeezone/Coffeebean but only order water or coke & think its still macho.
60. The 26th of each month is the only time you dare to buy more than $2 worth of gas cos you need to go cruising aimlessly around Gadong (a major hang-out place for Bruneians) after grocery shopping.
61. Cruising aimlessly is defined as driving round the Centrepoint & Mall (located in Gadong) strip a minimum of 4 times while revving your engine loudly for all to hear.
62. The typical male wears only Premier League team t-shirts, jeans, baseball caps & slippers as passable casual wear to pick up tudong-ed chicks in.
63. You slow down to 10km/hr whenever a car breaks down is being towedaway / has an accident just to see if you know who the driver is & to get the number of the car to buy 4D later.
64. You take out a business loan to start a business but buy a brand new Lexus immediately (refer to point #36 on cash) with the loan & then start the sloppy business with the remainder of the money.
65. You do not know or have never spoken to 80% of the people you've invited to your wedding and who take the liberty to bring their 5.3 kids
66. 4 generations stay in one house & there is 1.5 cars per person in the
household who have a driving license
67. You think leaving work at 5:30pm is ridiculously late.
68. You don't bat en eyelid in any yoga class even though the instructor is referring directly from a book.
69. The local newspaper is still readable even though the front page always has some sort of story about illegal immigrants being caught for overstaying or soliciting as in point #31


Padian said…
I stumbled upon this blog accidently as i was researching for 'Bruneian' materials for a personal research, and i have been coming back to read some of the blogs posted. I even went back to the old blog to read and absorb it all...

I feel, the writer has grown, and to a better writer I feel... Not that i agree on some of what had been written, but that's the beauty of opinions... there is nothing wrong in expressing it :)

As for this new list of being a BRUNEIAN *wink* i feel that i am not BRUNEIAN enough!!! I do nothing of that sort... so maybe i avoid the shops during pay day... and i do not go to the house on sundays because i hate the crowd, but let it be known, I work till 6 pm if it has to be done most days! *wink* and that not all Bruneians are as described...

A TOO generalisation of 'Bruneians' based on the few that is so well known through out the land is unfair of a picture painted... perhaps, a list of Bruneian - but atypical, would be a nice contrast *wink*

And thank you for writing. My aim is to read the whole blog, and explore it.. It is very exciting to see someone who writes well :) it gives me this warm flash of proudness and pride and tinggle all over.. just because *wink* I am not sure if anyone understands that...
Anonymous said…
Erm does this happen to refer to the lower class and middle class people only? or Bruneian in general?
to padian: hmmmm.... that's the beauty about options like you said. i have my opinions, others have theirs, the world will not be an interesting place otherwise - that's why i have let the annonymous comments so that people can express their opinions freely and openly. thank you for coming and i welcome all your thoughts.

to annonymous: this is supposed to be a caricature and to be taken with lots of salt - not all applies to everyone.... happy reading.
Anonymous said…
Do we have such social classes in Brunei? Middle class, lower class, working class? even if we have, i find classing out people in Brunei is disturbing.. :) but thats just me..

i guess i will add more on the topic of 'You are Bruneian if':

1. You drive to the shop next door even though the shop is 100M away (except in Kg Ayer).
2. Indo mee is your staple food.
3. most people dont like their teachers.
4. every year, since the 80s until last year, you dont want not miss HM birthday titah (because you guess HM will increase your salary)..
5. when you want to get some service from the government sectors, you will find your saudara first.
6. if something goes wrong, you will say that one of the datos, pehins is your relative (or at least they know you).
7. you cannot live without Brudirect's HYS (not me.. hehe)
8. you give you children super long name
9. you go to a new shopping mall because to beat everybody else even though its just another huaho.
10. you wave your hand while driving to another drivers that you know.

entah.. :)
Anonymous said…
I dont think that the term social class would be appropriate enough a term to be applied in Brunei. There are no clear class divisions in Bruneian society, since the categorizing of individuals according to social class is just usually based on occupation; it doesnt take into consideration the material wealth that people have and what makes it even more difficult is the presence of 'gelarans' that some individuals possess.

So i doubt that we are being classified according to social class in Brunei, but we are all being stratified in one way or another.
Anonymous said…
hahaha.... i lurve it!!! and it is sooooo true that TYPICAL Bruneians do such things..... but you left out 1 important part: Every Bruneian knows everything even when they are actually only the third party!!!...... if u get what i mean....
Anonymous said…
This seems to be the updated version of the list circa 1997.

It's cringeworthy but amusing nevertheless.

ps: I feel nauseated at the thought of Bruneians spending too much on cars.

pps: Bruneian males should move pass the footie shirts and rubber sandals. Their dressing sense is appalling.
Anonymous said…
You are bruneian when you are in BIG debts and refuse to pay them and still drive a CLK and live in a mansion

You are bruneian when you wear baju kurung with large katoks and maniks all over.

You are bruneian when you are loud and speak in melandih way hehe

You are bruneian when you and the whole family have the same plate numbers.

You are bruneian when you spend your $$$$$ on your wedding even though you are broke.

You are bruneian when you become the Akademi Fantasia fanatics.

You are Bruneian when you know most of the people here."eh si anak si anu eh saudara si blabla"

Anonymous said…
I've actually read this list some time ago list somewhere else.. I'm just curious, since there are no references on where it was taken from, I'm guessing that you're the original author Mr. BR?
Anonymous said…
one more:

you definitely are a Bruneian if you have the chance to call a radio show and before you are asked to hang-up, you say 'boleh minta putarkan lagu?'
duolulu said…
1. You miss call instead of calling/sms

2. You always say "kapih ku.. bila terima/kuar elaun ah?"

3. You park your car as closest as possible to your destination area.

4. You speak malaysia if you meet malaysian, speak indonesia if you meet indonesian.. and soon.

5. ...
Anonymous said…
i love it :D
rose said…
ok i am bruneian.. hehe not that i agree with everything.. but i can relate to some of the points.. *lol*...
Anonymous said…
BR never failed to reflect great thoughts and today's topic finally made me succumb to leave a comment.

The recent topic is pretty hilarious as some of the points reflect true characteristics about Bruneians. However, these are blatantly a more local and social point of view.

Globally, our country is typically viewed as a ‘tiny oil-rich country’. Also, as mentioned in the first point it is easy to tell others that our location is near Singapore. In reality, there is no doubt that our country is not as well known as Singapore.

Bruneians studying abroad in UK, Australia, US, and others might experience the fact that the locals there think we came from Mainland China, Hong Kong or even Japan. However, once we explained that we came from Brunei, you might recall some locals were impressed on the fluency of speaking English in comparison to Asian countries named above. Furthermore, many Bruneians studied or currently studying abroad are attending the top-ranking and well-known universities. My point here is that our society nurtured via Brunei government has evolved into a well respected nation and this should not be discounted by us Bruneians.
welcome on board - comments are most welcome - bruneians have been known to surprise a lot of people - nevertheless we still have our quirks as a nation. but that's what makes us bruneians, like it or not.

to someone who asked earlier whether i am the author - sadly no. but this list made its rounds and it has been added over the years. when i got it, there were some uncomfortable truths in there. i had to exercise a little bit of caution and the longer list became a list of 69.
Anonymous said…
HHAHAHAHAHA Its soo hilariously true!! hahahahaha
duolulu said…
Hehe.. I want to add mine

5. You are asked to go to "meeting" but actually you will be "listening".

6. When you go to someone wedding, you give money using an envelope and put your name on it.

7. If indo mee is your staple food, then ayamku is your fastfood.

8. When it's hari raya, the term 'balik kampung' is almost not applicable.. since you can 'balik kampung' everyday.

9. Bicycle is not your transport, its your sport.

10. When you see local tv camera around you during the day, then at night you will watch local news.. and hoping to see you on tv.

11. You drive your car on wavy + pothole road.

12. You receive official news faster by mean of "mouth" than by "written".

13. You like electronic products from Japan.

14. ..
duolulu said…
14. You don't go to night club, but you go to 'gambus'.
Anonymous said…
You are a Bruneian when you add:
"Kali ah" or "tu" to any point you want to make. You say "Mun paham bisai" to sindir2 orang.
Anonymous said…
oh and I also forgot,"boleh kali ah!" What ever that means!
Anonymous said…
im not a bruneian but ive been living here in brunei practically all my life and i do say that im exposed to all the things and habits that bruneians use and do. I do not deny myself that being in brunei all my life, it is definitely influencial!!

=D good stuff...
Anonymous said…
Alhamdulillah im a Bruneian...Hehehehe...tho most of it i havent experienced myself...
Another discovery to the uniqueness of Bruneians, dont you think?
To some of the other commentators, Do not sell us Bruneian short hei....we do have our own qualities...and am proud of being one...should be lucky since lots of expats is considering living and raising families here.
Anonymous said…
Being Bruneian means being able to pay (or not) for one or two amahs who are most likely an Indonesian or a Filipino.

Being Bruneian means it's ok to be fat.

Being Bruneian means being a busy body where other peoples' news, especially the bad ones, are your responsibility to know and to spread around.
Anonymous said…
I wouldnt say it applies to every race and every class in brunei although some may be seemingly true.
Effy said…
Wow. Good list. Definitely can relate to few of those. Esp about miri and the indo mee. There are some that are unbelievable but i think most bruneians are humble even so. I've read and heard so much complaints from bruneian about brunei that it's unhealthy. We should be appreciative and heck i miss brunei damn alot regardless. It's true what they say you don't know what you've got till its gone.
Anonymous said…
You know you're a bruneian when your friends get married on the same day and you don't know who to go to [lol]

IngSiang said…
Love your posts. =)

Btw, just to tell you that I am copying and linking this post, with credits for you of course. =) but well, if you don't like that, I can take down the post anytime tho. I just save it as draft, haven't post. =)
Anonymous said…
Incredibly funny list, but I wonder where I belong now.
Anonymous said…
haha....ur a legend mate! an absolute legend! Quick witted, corky and evidently true in its most disturbing form! Every single stereotype fits and summarises the way Bruneians are! I may live overseas, but i know Brunei will never change....i don't know if it is a good thing or not...but it will definately stay like that for a few more decades until a revolution in the "social paradigm" occurs. This will result in a dynamic shift in mentality and social ethics. being a Bruneian :)
Anonymous said…
..15..when u have 'candas' in your house or apartment!!
Anonymous said…

YOU'RE ARE A LEGEND MATE! LEGEND I TELL YOU. Most of this are ultimately true, so TYPICAL bruneians, I've been complaining about typical habits of Bruneians like what everyday?

Um you forgot to add:

> You like to stare at phones for 24 hours and chat on MSN.
> Mun paham bisai (this needs no further explaination)
> You have to wear 'cool' attires everywhere, even on holidays.
> You add "BUI" on each sentance.
> You think exercising, being hyper active, competition are for little kids.
> You can't type/spell properly properly, example "hw r u? hy my nme s si org brnui"
> You add "me&you" on your converstations with your girl mates.
> You listen to Pelangi FM
> You think fake von dutch products are the best.
> You're a racist to Indians "EH KALING!! HAHAHA"
> You rather go to shopping malls than hanging out at parks, having a picnic with your friends.
Anonymous said…

YOU'RE ARE A LEGEND MATE! LEGEND I TELL YOU. Most of this are ultimately true, so TYPICAL bruneians, I've been complaining about typical habits of Bruneians like what everyday?

Um you forgot to add:

> You like to stare at phones for 24 hours and chat on MSN.
> Mun paham bisai (this needs no further explaination)
> You have to wear 'cool' attires everywhere, even on holidays.
> You add "BUI" on each sentance.
> You think exercising, being hyper active, competition are for little kids.
> You can't type/spell properly properly, example "hw r u? hy my nme s si org brnui"
> You add "me&you" on your converstations with your girl mates.
> You listen to Pelangi FM
> You think fake von dutch products are the best.
> You're a racist to Indians "EH KALING!! HAHAHA"
> You rather go to shopping malls than hanging out at parks, having a picnic with your friends.
Anonymous said…
Dont you guys think many of these characteristics should act as a wake up call for all??

And PLEASE for sanity's sake, dont you think these sound juvinile:
: Apa KAN Ani?
: Kali AH...

Oh, and STOP asking
"Di mana ani" when you dial a MOBILE phone number.....
Some of you just DONT get it! Its absurd!!
Anonymous said…
Some of the pointers on the list, sounded ignorant or spoiled. Not everybody can afford a 40k^ car, or so what if foreigners from different countries populate the malls...this list is a little childish. And you dare to call yourself a Bruneian under this list? Albeit some are true..
Anonymous said…
i stumble upon this before i went to Brunei then i revisited it.hahaha. so true n i was there for only 3 months for attachment.

maybe you can add to park car as near as possible to the entrance of mall/ office.

n whats up with the paranoia of using that big roundabout near Gadong/Kiulap area lol.

p/s: how i've missed the 4-cars-traffic jam when im stuck in the traffic for 1hr in the morning and 2hrs after class everyday here in KL T___T
Anonymous said…
Hey meng. Jangan babi ani wah. Inda jua semestinya, inda lurus info kita atu. Jangan diambil ke hati, tetapi sila kembali ke illahi.

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