Questions to ask before saying yes

Today is Sunday. I am rushing off this entry as my wife, my little boy and I have to rush later today to Sungai Liang for my cousin's wedding. Sundays are the Brunei wedding days and with many marriages especially in December, I thought I will share an article on the New York Times entitled 'Marriage is not built on surprises'. For those thinking about marriage, you might want to ponder and see whether you and your partner have discussed things thoroughly and not just look at each other with lovey dovey eyes. You and your partner once married will be spending the rest of you life together and you might want to clear certain things before you start on your marriage.

Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:

1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?

2) Do we have a clear idea of each other's financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?

3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?

4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?

5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?

6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?

7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?

8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another's ideas and complaints?

9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other's spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?

10) Do we like and respect each other's friends?

11) Do we value and respect each other's parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?

12) What does my family do that annoys you?

13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?

14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other's family, are we prepared to move?

15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other's commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?
Questions copyright (c) The New York Times.

Comments

Anonymous said…
CONGRATS to the handsome young bridegroom! "Kelangkahan dulang" tah big brader S kali ah? As if there is such an "Adat Resam Kahwin Melayu" (Malay Wedding Traditional Ritual) for guys? For Malay brides who still has single older sister/s, yup there is such a thing, I know... I think my invitation card must have been missent to my old office address.. so no go today:(Heheheh:)
Sunday, December 24, 2006 8:13:00 AM
Anonymous said…
I don't think its fair to expect those to be wed to KNOW all these aspects that they should consider. Of course some would know, most would not. These things take wisdom and experiences. And I think it is those pre-marital counsellors that should be trained to inform couples of these areas (Christians, even Muslims I believe has to go through some courses isn't it?).
Sunday, December 24, 2006 10:49:00 PM
Anonymous said…
Well.. a wise old man once said to me,"Up till today, I still don't understand my wife of 50 years." Wisdom and experience is an on-going route of learning. Those who have been married many years still wonder if they made the right decision. Can we expect our youth to know? I believe the key thought to ponder upon once a couple embarks on their new course in life is that they should do so understanding that they are now married and should see their future together as a new learning experience together. A kind of new beginning.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006 2:30:00 AM
Anonymous said…
Marriage is suppose to be a journey of mutual discovery and for each individual to develop understanding, compromise and finally tolerance. And let us not forgot the ultimate rule... communicate!, communicate!, communicate! Those elements include those of the immediate family. Try marrying outside your race and see the "supposed level of acceptance" in your own family.
Thursday, December 28, 2006 9:30:00 AM
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